Transitions Within

1982 to 2020

Sometimes when I awake
I pull the covers up over my head
and wonder if I have the courage
to face a new day.

Wondering who I am?
and what is my purpose in life.
Will I have the courage to find answers, or
will I continue to escape
when the tensions of life's realities appear?

I think of inner victories and my defeats
and wonder
will I finally take charge
or continue like the willow tree
moved only by outside forces.
"This above all", as Shakespeare said
but is there a way to know
or is life and its' answers
just a guessing game?

The answers must be found
inside each one of us
even time
cannot disclose them.
I can and must
find them for me
Mary

Changes Inside Myself
1983

A frightful storm in my life occurred,
and my willow tree has fallen to the ground.
It was shocking and painful to let go of my willow
so I've planted in its stead an oak.

Keeping close at hand the lessons of the willow,
the flexibility and warmth that it has given me and those close by,
I move forward to unknown ground.

The oak is fragile now and will require much care and tenderness
to become as mighty as it can be,
but with the lessons learned from the willow
that should not be too difficult.

With the help of those who stood by the willow
my oak will grow to be one day,
one of the mightiest in the land.

Lizé

Dual Discovery
1987

It's a package deal; I've found it's true.
You can't accept the spirit without accepting you.
For so many long years, I've heard it said,
Give up your self-find the spirit instead.
A seeker, a searcher, a dreamer, I am.
Knowing, yet afraid, the truth must be found.
I discovered for me, that amid all the disguise
Answers lie inside, inviting me to be wise.

My search brought about, pain for others and for me.
Yet joy and growth was there to share and see.
Two steps forward, then three backward it seemed
The joy discovered was much more than I dreamed.

Been told all my life, can't have your cake and eat it too.
Yet, now I've discovered, that just isn't true.
What I've unveiled in my soul, much to my surprise
Brings joy to my heart, and tears to my eyes.

Gotta love and accept me, the good and the bad
Be aware of the treasures inside, that I had.
One day it happened, not quick as a flash
But slowly and painfully, I found "us" at last.

And wonder of wonders, we make quite a team.
Together, it's true we'll unfold every dream.
Awareness of "us", gives courage to risk and grow.
Oh, what a platform awaits us on our show.

For me, I choose to call the "us", just God and me
Spirit, universe, inner voice-which one will it be?
Embrace the special you, the bitter and the sweet
Then, seek that special "us", it can't be beat.

So God, in loving gratitude I say,
Thanks; I need not throw myself away.
You and I together, this awareness from above,
Leads me to understand and see, your never-ending love.
Lizé

Interesting how, even knowing that the joy-
the answers lie inside,
Sometimes, I still look without
for meaning and validation.
The hills and valleys of life have led me
to entwine the flexibility of
the Willow tree with the strength of the Oak.
What a challenge!

The Search---T. S. Eliot says it best.
"We must not cease from exploration.
And the end of all our exploring
will be to arrive where we began
and
to know the place for the first time."
And so it is!

Precious life experiences go on
and so does my search.
What a gift--My thirst for knowledge
and growth continues.
Still, at times, I forget to remember,
life is happening in the now.
Yes, the questions and even the answers change
as we explore and evolve.
Our changeless core--our Spirit--our inner Guide
remains ever present encouraging us to
Remember To Remember,
life is a priceless gift.
Embrace the moment--one step at a time!
Elizabeth / Lizé

Choices...Hills and Valleys!
2012

What is my true worth?
Sometimes I'm up and sometimes down!
I've spoke of hills and valleys and yet, don't really understand exactly what it means.
Sure, I know hills, the smile someone gave me 30 years ago,
Yes valleys, the grief that I've experienced so many times throughout my life.
Also joys, I've felt working through the emotions and then going forward.
Yes, I've learned NOW is the only time we must live.
But how can I really stay in the now?
You see, that in our future, we all will have hills and valleys.

Flying high in 2005, the hills, retiring from Occupational Therapy,
enjoying the love and care of my husband, family and friends,
a speaker, singer and becoming an author with lots in life in front of me.
Yes those mighty hills, what a great time for every one of us!

The valleys, it began going downhill by the end of 2007,
2008 my life was a "mell of a hess".
Surgery, hills..left vocal cord cut to get tumor out...no cancer,
valleys..can't speak, stroke coming home from clinic in Cleveland.

Couldn't speak, sing...my life felt like it was over.
Going through grief...although hills, because of my husband's affection and care.
Valleys...OH NO...Little did I know my grief would get worse instead of better.
My husband John died suddenly on February 25, 2009.

Today is 3 years and almost 5 months later...many valleys...
wondering would the hills ever come back to life?
My life is so different now day to day.
The hills and the valleys yet, I'm ready to begin again.
SHARE Choices is my new beginning.
Thanks for being present with me!
Lizé

A Peaceful Place Within
2016
Moving Forward!

Why read poems... poetry, books from anyone else, to help us help ourselves?
In the past, feeling that someone out there, could open me up to that wonderful possibility of life.

I would go out looking for someone, anyone, who knew how to have it together in the moment.
Now I realize, that what I needed at that time, was any person who could accept me, on my own terms.

Looking to others, for their strength and maturity, meant I could be on the same page...however, sorry I wasn't.
No wonder that people like me, keep looking for the one answer from others;
yet, thru time, will find out themselves, through those hills and valleys.

SHARE, the mnemonic Lizé created along the way, the pattern of letters means,
Share Hope Awareness Respect Empathy with others, believing that this was the way.

I'm a teacher at times, so I asked my son Jim, what SHARE, the mnemonic meant to him.
Without hesitation he said, "Take care of your own needs".
Unbelievable... since my perception about SHARE, that if we all shared hope, awareness, respect, and empathy,
it would impact our lives; yet, the most important thing was what I missed out on, "Take care of your own needs."

Somewhere, in my past, I thought that if I took care of everyone else...
it made sense, that everything would be fine for me...NO, it wasn't true.

Today is 2016 and I know my purpose is to SHARE, Share Hope Awareness Respect and Empathy with others,
it all begins within me. You can't begin to save the world, without feeling it for yourself.

Lizé wrote Dual Discovery 1987, yet I forgot along the way, that it is me and God together.
We walk together, no pie in the sky scenario, so I can finally reach out to share my gifts, my treasures with others.

SHARE

From 1982 until today, 2017, I was searching. I knew deep inside me,
"You can't begin to save the world without feeling it for yourself."

Lizé wrote these words in 2016; while looking for a peaceful place within,
only hoping to move forward. My forward wasn't visible, I had no idea?
When did hope occur?

Was it finding out that taking care of your own needs, made you a different person inside?
Thinking I had found, it; didn't know what it was, just hoping, it would come my way.

You've all heard the saying, flying high in April, shot down in May?

In 2007 my life was, no doubt flying mighty high.
My unbelievable, caring husband John, children who I loved dearly, grandchildren,
great grandchildren and many friends and acquaintances.
Our friend, Bruce, completed remodeling our condo, and our life was very good!

The shot down in May began, with what I thought was just losing my voice.
My voice wouldn't come back. By the end of this year, 2007, after much testing,
the tumors on my, Internal Carotid Artery; surgery would occur in Cleveland Clinic.

With loving family support, we ventured to Cleveland in 2008, to get rid of those tumors.
Surgery completed, took out many tumors, no cancer, yet, when they cut out a tumor,
they cut the nerve on my left vocal cord. When completed, I could only whisper.

My voice had been powerful, in my daily life. I was a speaker and a singer before;
now with only a slight whisper, I couldn't return to the past!
In about 3 days, I returned to Louisville, my son Michael, a nurse who accompanied me,
knew that my symptoms would mean, I had a stroke.

Next day, with the support of my family, we went to a Louisville Hospital.
Throughout 2008, the hospital and doctors took care of my stroke.
The good news was it didn't affect my limbs, they were functional, and they worked on speech that year.
I was very depressed, my voice wouldn't come back, only a whisper in 2008 and 2009.

My husband John was there, caring and loving me daily, in spite of my depression.
My voice did not return. Yet, in February 2009, John, my husband died rather quickly.
Not only was I dealing with low voice, depressed, but now with my husband's loss.

You've hear it said, "It is always darkest before the dawn."
That was true in 2017.
My relationship with God was distant, yet, I wanted to find Jesus to take away my pain.
I couldn't!

The last nine years, I've lost my husband, John, lost friends and family members.
There were 3 sisters, 1 brother, 1 brother-in-law, 1 sister-in law, my neighbor Hilda, and my closet friend.
Yes, there were hills but many valleys in life, the last nine years just about took me over.
I isolated, and the friends distanced themselves from me, as I did to them.

What occurred in the poem in 2016, "Take care of your own needs" I truly, finally got it!
So very simple, yet, this entire time I felt that if I Share(d) Hope Awareness Respect Empathy,
my emptiness, my low self esteem would move forward just by helping others. No, it didn't!

Now I've found that if I do take care of me,
what God has given me, then I can, and must, take care of others.

Lizé 4 HOPE